NNNNNACHOS

At time I wish I could just vanish. Always wondered how interesting it is, when you are gone, but at the same time around.And when gone, just for that moment, you will experience no emotions, a calming sense of numbness. But instead pay attention and truly observe the things around you. It is at this moment when you actually realize the people that would actually bother to begin searching for you, the people who would be some what worried of your sudden disappearance. And that you can’t help it but feel missed and wanted, or rather needed. And to know that you have made a difference, an impact no matter how significant in another person’s life.

It would be like experiencing your own funeral, being able to see and hear those around you, and all the griefs. Knowing that it would be true, as there would be no reason for anybody to lie.

You learn about the times u have genuinely made people around you proud for being who you are, but their pride got in the way of the words actually reaching you. But more importantly, the love that was meant to be shared by words and actions throughout your life,  but could only be expressed by their last words.

And it is at this moment when u realize that it is just a dream, and that it is impossible. But instead have to live life wondering about how you are judged everyday by society, never being told you are good enough, and the longing for acceptance…